My Jason

I was told to blog about my husband. This is a super duper long overdue post. I'm on my 32 weeks and I'm on bedrest due to my slightly opened cervix (yung 1st layer lang). And since my mom voluntered to take Janna to her workplace, I decided to do this now.

Here are some facts what I love about him and a little about us:

• I first met him on my first job. I'm an apprentice then and he was my immediate supervisor. Or should I say I need him to sign my blue book in order for me to take the board exams.
• He used to be an "alaskador" in the office. But not with me ... and I don't know why.
• He's poised, bossy-looking but friendly. He's not the showy type of person. He's the opposite of what I envisioned myself of my Mr. Right. Not too tall, not too rich ... but his looks is so appealing to me.
  
• We were exchanging letters (through a diskette) of how our days went, corny pero I find it sweet.
  
• He was courting another girl when we became close ... I came from a break up (for 8 months na) with my ex-boyfriend that time.
  
• We never get to the "courting" stage ... it just happened and we've talked about it and give our relationship a try.
• I was his first girlfriend and he was my last boyfriend.
• He's one person who trust me too much that he allows me to go out with my friends as long as I tell him where I was and who I am with. We are free to go out and enjoy ourselves as an individual. And makes sure we spend some time for both of us.
  
• He bought his very first cellphone because of me. It was when I waited for him somewhere and I don't know how to reach him because he has no cellphone and was at a meeting. Good thing God gave him a hint where I would be staying that time and popped there he was. It made him realized how important cellphone was that time.
• He bought his very first car because of me. He got it on our first anniversary. We named it after Judy Ann Santos' character in a teleserye that time, Pachuchay.
• He manage his money well. One reason I know for sure when we get married, I'll never starved to death because of hunger, and I'm sure he'll be a good provider to my kids. And so he is...
  
• The first time God has put a test to our relationship when I was assigned to work in Laoag. 10 hours drive from Manila. It was the first time I saw him crying really hard before I left for Laoag. Yahoo Messenger and text messaging made a big role to our lives for 1 and a half years.
• He never proposed to me for marriage ... again, it was like a very serious talk and finally made a decision to get married. It was like presenting a project to a prospect client hahaha!
  
• We've been together for 7 years before we got married.
• We're now 10 years together and still counting.
  

Until now, I'm thanking God for bringing him into my life. He made a big difference out of me, and I can't imagine my life without him. He's the best husband for me and I'm sure the best father for Janna and Ysha. He may not be the perfect husband, coz I know I myself not the perfect wife in the whole world. But God made us one to be perfect for each other, for our family and for our kids.


Happy Birthday, Jason my labs ... thank you for coming into my life, thank you for the love you're showering us ... I love you!

The Sacrament of Waiting

I don't have nothing to blog about today. Except that for wo consecutive days, our Smart Wifi Connection is now doing okay. Thanks to Manong Ruel for fixing our canopy (sana po bigyan kayo ng bonus sa Smart). Kahit umuulan ok na ang internet namin kaya wala ng sakit ng ulo. At eto pa ... a Smart Broadband representative called us that our request for a rebate is approved. 500 plus rin ang nabawas so, 300 plus lang babayaran namin next month. What a relief :) buti naman no! And today, Jason will pick up our Unity Candle set from Ms. Gerri Diokno :) excited na ako makita. Post ko photo pag nakita ko na tomorrow.

I'll just share this with you guys. I got this thru mail from Discovery Weekend. You might want to read it lang.

THE SACRAMENT OF WAITING by James Donnelan, SJ

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve only stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more self-discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that the great deeds of deering-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery – a natural sacrament of life – there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Every day is filled with those little moments of waiting – testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control – paciencia lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait on line at cinemas and theaters, concert and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one – or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give that last wave of the hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations – we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come – or autumn – for the rains to begin or to stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up – to reach the stage where we make our decisions.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living – the fabric in which the threads are woven that tells the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait, "grab all the gusto you can get." So read one of America's great beer advertisement – Get it now. Instant pleasure – Instant Transcendence. Don't wait for anything. Life is short – Eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you'll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom – premarital sex and commitment – against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us – against vows and promises – against duty and responsibility – against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescriptions for pleasure – but even that is fleeting and doubtful – what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure – "Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated". No if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if not we never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all, waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it – how much waiting is important for love to grow – to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this? Why can't we have right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait – 2 years, 3 years, 5 years and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit – the seed to flower – carbon to change into diamond.

There is no simple answer – no more that there is to life's other demands – having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives – having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path – Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth – the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting – of being present without making demands or asking rewards. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other – until they can see things the same way – or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.

There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait – in silence – but still present to each other – until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life – when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving, of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature – Isn't it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery – that waiting is part of the substance – the basic fabric – against which the story of that true love is written.

How can we ever either find life or true love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

Don't lose that 90% that you already have ...

Model: Pittipat and Jojo
Photos by: Rene Gaviola
Location: La Mesa Eco park

(My bestfriend sent out this email way way back pa. When Jason and I had our dialogues on our Discovery Weekend, I mentioned him about this article Bo Sanchez wrote ... share ko lang)

Don't lose that 90% that you already have ..
by: Bo Sanchez

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow,this girl in my office is a real looker. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not."

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did. Because no wife or husband is perfect.

Because a spouse will only have 90% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laughter. Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 10% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90% that you already have! Add to your spouse's 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I'm not just talking about marriage.I'm talking about life! About your jobs. About your friends. About your children. About your lifestyles. Are you like the economy airline

The main message: If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!

Commitment

Model: Era and Edwill (October 15 couple)
Photos by: Frank of Imagineering
Location: La Mesa Ecopark

(I got this on my email 2 years ago pa ... problem is the one who sent me forgot to write down who the author is ... share ko lang kasi after we had our Discovery Weekend, nabasa ko lang to ... hehehehe!)

The most important, most critical component in successful loving is commitment. Not love.

It's easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for a while. But commitment implies bonding in sucha way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning indefinitely.

It also means shutting one's heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not at all as common as we are led to believe.

In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner's.

We see it all the time. One loves more than the other and is more committed than the other. It is false to believe that two lovers love each other to the same degree.We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the relationship than the other. But writers and poets seem to always indicate that love isn't just a two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for a man.

Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you" and you're telling the truth. But how much do you love her/him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to go on date with her/him? Enough to marry her/him? Enough to die for her/him?The greatest test of true love is commitment. And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. There can be no doubting this.

I have heard people say all the right words, make all the right moves and pledge undying love, only to walk away weeks or months later. Were they inlove? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain.

A lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a sense that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving. When one's love is a lot more solid than the creaky love of the partner. When a couple believe strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is a deep sense of security, a feeling that it's OK to give all because the gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the beloved.

If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the conviction that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a one-way commitment that is lopsided, thenthere is a tendency to pull back and not give as much. And when that happens, love begins to fade.

In the countless counseling sessions I have had with troubled couples over the years, there has always been the problem of a failing commitment on the part of at least one of the partners.

Unless there is the raising of the level of commitment, the relationship is doomed. It's finished. Sooner or later the stresses will take their toll and the relationship will begin to fall apart.

On the other hand, look carefully at lovers who are still very much in love after 20, 25 years. Their commitment to each other cannot be shaken

Neither can their love.

How Did You Know You Married The Right Person?

I got this through a fellow w@wie, Jenny (ni Bobby). I hope she don't mind me posting this to my blog. It's a nice article for the married, soon to be married, and waiting to be married...

The Right Person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about theimagery of that ____expression. It implies that you were just standingthere; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's thenatural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their pouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the ____expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling...

Rules for a Happy Marriage

got this fromwww.weddingdetails.com

Rules for a Happy Marriage

1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you HAS to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

This Side Up: Kape, sisig, yosi at ikaw

A friend sent this through e-mail. I asked her who wrote the article. She forgot daw pero ang source is from www.peyups.com ... Again hindi po ganito ang love story namin ni Jason pero we are in the same state ... "parang kami pero hindi" before we became a couple. I just want to share it with you. Para medyo maaliw naman ang umaga ninyo. mwah!

This Side Up : Kape, sisig, yosi at ikaw

Contributed by noringai (Edited by blue_kuko)

Monday, March 27, 2006 @ 12:00:51 AM

Source: www.peyups.com

Kape

We started over coffee, sabi ng isang kanta. At doon nga tayo nagsimula – sa kape. Niyaya mo akong magkape isang hapon. Over cappuccino, nagkuwentuhan tayo. Kung anu-ano lang. Mababaw. Malalim. May kwenta. Wala. Hindi pa ubos ang kape ko pero sabi ko, kailangan ko na umalis. Alam mo bang gumawa lang ako ng excuse para madala ko iyong cup ng tall cappuccino kung saan may nakasulat na pangalan mo? Kasi, itatago ko siya, bilang memento ng una nating pagkakape. Pakiramdam ko kasi, magiging significant sa buhay ko ang araw na iyon.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali.

Nasundan pa ng maraming beses ang pagkakape natin. Hindi ko na nga mabilang sa dami. Madalas, kahit nakapag-kape na ako, kapag nag-yaya kang mag Starbucks, papayag agad ako. Kaya may mga araw na napaparami ako ng kape. Mga araw na hyper ako at walang kapaguran. Mga araw na hindi ako puwedeng gulatin, baka atake sa puso ang aabutin ko. Mga araw na parang may kabayong tumatakbo sa dibdib ko, although baka dahil lang din iyun sa presensiya mo. Mga gabing hindi ako makatulog dahil nasobrahan ako ng kape, at nasobrahan sa iyo.

Sisig

Pork sisig ang inorder ko the first time we had lunch together. At unang beses pa lang kitang nakasama, nasaksihan ko na kung paano ka mag-alaga. Marami na akong nakasabay na mag-lunch pero sa iyo, doon ko lang uli naramdaman na inaasikaso at pinagsisilbihan. Saka, kahit na maraming tao doon sa restaurant na pinagkainan natin, parang tayong dalawa lang ang nandoon.

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ako umorder ng sisig tuwing magkasama tayo. Sisig sa lunch, sisig sa dinner, sisig din ang pulutan kapag nag-iinuman tayo. Sisig nga din ang hinanda ko noong unang beses kitang pinagluto, di ba?

Marami na akong natikman na sisig, pero iyong unang beses na nag-lunch tayo, iyun na yata ang pinakamasarap na sisig na natikman ko.

Yosi

Matagal ko na tinigil ang yosi pero noong makita kitang magyosi noong nag-kape tayo, humingi ako sa iyo. Ang sarap kasi pagsabayin ng yosi at kape. They complement each other.

Kaya sa tuwing magkasama nga tayo, napapayosi na rin ako. At hindi ko na namalayan, bumabalik na naman ako sa addiction ko sa sigarilyo.

Naalala mo iyong isang beses na naiwan mo ang yosi mo sa bahay? Dinala ko ang yosi mo sa opisina. Nagulat ang mga officemates ko noong nakita nilang may isang kaha ako ng yosi. Bakit daw ako nagyoyosi uli. Sinabi ko na yosi mo iyun, inuubos ko lang kasi sayang.

Humirit iyong isa, “Hindi ko yata gusto yang lalakeng iyan para sa iyo… He’s bad for your health.” Hindi ako nakasagot.

IkawParang eksena sa pelikula kung paano tayo pinagtagpo ng tadhana. Nakakatawa nga eh, nagbabasa ako ng “When God writes your love story” habang may nakasaksak na earphones sa tenga ko noong pag-angat ko ng mukha, nakita kitang dumaan sa harap ko. Nagkatinginan tayo ng ilang segundo pero nilampasan mo lang ako at patuloy ka sa paglakad mo. Ilang hakbang na ang layo mo noong lumingon ka sa akin. Ngumiti ako sa iyo at nilapitan mo ako. Doon na nagsimula ang lahat.

Dumating ka sa buhay ko ng hindi ko inaasahan. Pero sa padating mo, kasabay noon ang pagbago ng mundo ko. Sa kabila ng pagiging abala ko sa maraming bagay, pagdating sa iyo, nasisira lahat ng plano ko. Hindi ko na napapansin ang oras kapag magkasama tayo. At napupuna ko na lang, lagi na kitang hinahahap. Parang hindi kumpleto ang araw ko kapag hindi kita nakikita. At kahit na lagi kitang nakakasama, mawala ka lang sandali sa tabi ko, miss na agad kita.

Lahat na ng kabaduyan, pumapasok sa isip ko kapag naaalala kita.

Mahal na nga yata kita.

Kahit hindi tama.

***

How can something so wrong feel so right? Iyan ang tanong ko noong minsang matutulog na ako at nakayakap ka sa akin. Mali ito, oo. Pero bakit parang ang sarap-sarap matulog at magising na kayakap ka? It felt so good it seemed right…

Oo, masaya tayo kapag magkasama. Pinapadama mo naman sa akin na mahalaga ako sa iyo. Dalawang beses mo na rin sinabing mahal mo ako pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung hanggang saan tayo makakarating.

Ayaw mo ng commitment hindi ba? Malinaw ang usapan natin sa simula pa lang. Sinabi mo kasi, ayaw mo makasakit ng ibang tao. Kaya okay na iyong ganito. Hindi mo nga lang alam, nasasaktan mo na rin ako. Kasi, unti-unti na akong nahuhulog sa iyo, kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang lugar ko sa buhay mo.

Bakit kasi kailangan pa maging komplikado ang sitwasyon natin?

***

Bakit kaya kahit alam natin na nakakasama sa atin ang isang bagay, tinutuloy pa rin natin? Marami ang may gusto ng sisig, kahit na “bad for the heart.” Nakaka-cancer ang pagyoyosi, at nakaka-palpitate ang kape, pero na-a-adik pa rin tayo dito. Bakit? Kasi iba ang pakiramdam na nabibigay ng yosi at kape. Iba ang saya ng dulot ng pagkain ng sisig. Kaya kahit masama, kahit alam natin sisingilin tayo ng katawan natin sa panandaliang kaligayahan na iyon, tinutuloy pa rin natin. Kasi sa kasalukuyan, masaya tayo.

Parang ikaw… alam ko na hindi ka nakakabuti sa akin. Alam ko na in the long run, masasaktan lang ako sa iyo. Pero bakit habang maaga pa, hindi ako umiiwas? Kasi sa ngayon, napapasaya mo ako. Napupunan mo ang ilang taong pagkukulang sa buhay ko. At pinapadama mo sa akin ang mga bagay na akala ko noon, hindi na darating sa akin.

Ikaw ang sisig, yosi at kape ng buhay ko. Hindi ko maiwas-iwasan, hindi ko kayang tanggihan, kahit na alam ko na iisa lang naman ang patutunguhan nito – sakit sa puso.

###############

Ang kuwentong ito, tulad ng relasyon namin, ay “parang totoo, pero hindi.”

Twenty Steps

I'm in Manila right now because tomorrow we're all going to Baguio for the Panagbenga 2006. We missed it last year due to the menningococcemia outbreak (hope I type it right hihihi!). Jason will come with us (yahoo!) which makes it more exciting. Enough of the wedding preps for a while... we need a break hehehe!

I was bloghopping and I got to see Edrei and Randy's blogsite (a fellow w@wie). I found her last post very cute and I wanted to share it to some of you who haven't read it. Like Edrei said, di applicable sa amin ni Jason yung story. Pero I find it very cute. Hope Edrei won't mind I borrowed her post :).

Dalawampung Hakbang

Isa... Dalawa... Tatlo...

Alam kong gasgas na ang linyang ito pero anu't ano pa, hayaan mong sabihin kong walang anumang salita mula sa kahit ano pang lenguahe ang magbibigay kahulugan sa pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Ikakasal ka na.

Mula sa kinalalagyan ko, habang dahan dahan mong binabaybay ang gitna ng simbahan, hindi ko mapigilang lumuha ng maliliit na patak. Ikaw ba talaga yan? Makailang pikit na ang ginawa ko, tinatanong ang sarili kung ikaw nga ba ang babaing nasa traje de boda. At kahit anong pikit ang gawin ko, ikaw nga iyon.

Parang kailan lang, kalaro kita kasama ang ibang bata. Alam ko pa ang itsura mo noon; tisay pero bulok ang ipin, naka-ponytail ka na palagi noon pa, at chubby. Bibo kang kalaro sa piko, pero kapag pikon ka na sa pang-aasar nila dahil sa lagi kang natutumba pag isang paa na lang ang gamit sa number 3 o kaya 4 na box sa piko, sa akin ka iiyak at aawayin ko sila. Madalas nila tayo tuksuhin pero wala lang sa iyo yon. Natutuwa naman ako noon dahil sa akin ka lumalapit. Para sa akin, ikaw na ang bestfriend ko.

Apat... Lima... Anim...

Binibilang ko ang mga hakbang mo sa altar. Ilang segundo na lang ay hindi ka na single. Masaya ka kaya habang naglalakad? May luha ka din sa mata, nakikita ko. Pero ang tanong na bumabalot sa isip ko ay kung luha ba yan ng kagalakan o kalungkutan.

Hindi kita naging kaklase sa grade school. Palibhasa palagi kang nasa star section. Sa service lang kita nakakasabay, at habang kumakain tayo ng cotton candy ay nagkukuwentuhan tayo tungkol sa mga nangyari sa araw natin sa school. At alam ko, nalulungkot ka noon kapag bababa na ako sa bahay namin. Magba-bye ako sayo habang aandar ang service at magtititigan tayo. Close tayo noong elementary. Ako ang bestfriend mong lalaki at ikaw naman ang tangi kong bestfriend na babae.

Pito... Walo... Siyam...

Mahal na mahal kita. At habang pinagmamasdan kita sa maganda mong gown ay parang natutunaw ako sa kinalalagyan ko. Nasa kalagitnaan ka na at maya maya pa ay magsisimula na ang seremonya.

Nag-high school tayo sa parehong school at sa kabutihang palad ay ka-section kita. Lalo pa tayong naging close kahit pa parating magkaaway ang mga barkada mong babae at ang mga barkada kong lalaki. Pero di gaya noong mga bata pa tayo, sa iba ka na tinutukso.

Sampu... Labing-isa... Labing-dalawa...

Pakiramdam ko, palakas nang palakas ang tugtog ng kasal habang papalapit ka sa altar. Nakangiti ka at kung minsa'y naititingin mo ang mata mo sa ibang taong nagagalak habang pinagmamasdan ka. Nasa sa iyo lahat ng atensyon.

Nagkaroon ka na ng maraming boyfriend. Ako namam ay umasa lamang na maibig mo. Wala akong naging ibang inalayan ng pagmamahal kundi ikaw. At tuwing pinapaiyak ka ng mga magagaling mong ex, telepono ko ang kumikiriring. Kaya nga noong nauso ang kantang "Halaga" ng Parokya ni Edgar, ay sobrang tinamaan ako.

Labing-tatlo... Labin g-apat... Labing-lima...

Maligaya ka sa panahong to, alam ko. Ikaw pa, kilalang kilala na kita. Bestfriend kita eh. Mula ulo hanggang paa, kilala kita. Kakatawa pero naaalala ko pa noong mga bata tayo, alam ko na ang mga panty mo ay yung may burdang Monday, Tuesday, hanggang Friday. Alam ko na noong elementary ay galit ka sa Sibika at Kultura at sa Principal nating tinawag nating Miss Minchin. Noong highschool, alam ko pa kung sinu-sino ang mga naging crush mo. Kabisado na kita. Alam ko kung mainit ang ulo mo, kung malungkot ka, kung hindi maganda ang pakiramdam, kung nae-excite at lahat lahat.

Alam ko din kung maligaya ka. At kung hindi man ako nagkakamali, nararamdaman kong masaya ka ngayon habang patungo sa altar.

Labing-anim... Labing-pito... Labing walo...

Basta maligaya ka, masaya ako. Yun naman ang gusto ko parati, ang maligaya ka. At ang tanging hiling ko s a panahong ito ay ang panghabam -buhay mo nang kaligayahan. Ayan na malapit ka na sa altar.

Labing-siyam..

Eksaktong ikalabing-siyam na ang ang hakbang mo, nabilang ko sa isip. Congratulations. Masaya ako at alam kong masaya ka rin ngayong ikakasal ka na...

Dalawampu... ...

sa akin.