I read this post from a fellow W@wie Tricia ... just want to share it with you.
How to Create Your Own Wedding Vows
By H. Norman Wright
Too many couples give little thought to what is said at each stage of a wedding. They simply follow an established script. Think about it. The words of your wedding, especially your vows, will be the focal point of your wedding. You want to create a ceremony that reflects your values, beliefs, and taste.
Your pastor can help provide direction about the service, but this is your wedding, your marriage! What would you like said? What would you like remembered by your guests and by you?!
Wedding vows are usually reflective of three significant elements - your commitment to God, your commitment to marriage itself, and your commitment to each other. But where do you begin? What should be included in your vows?
Begin by thinking about your relationship with your future spouse. Use it to build your vows. The following questions are designed to help sort out some of the information you're looking for. Think about the questions and then write your responses. (Your partner should do this, too, only separately.) Don't read your partner's responses until you've completed your own.
Questions for the Bride- and Groom-to-Be- Where did you meet? Describe the setting, the time, the weather, etc.
- What were your first impressions?
- Was there anything memorable that your fiancé said or did? If so, what?
- When were you first interested in pursuing a relationship?
- What did you first like about your fiancé?
- What have you discovered about your fiancé since then that is especially important to you?
- What do you love most about your fiancé?
- What is your fiancé bringing to the marriage that you think will make it work?
- What are you bringing to the marriage that you think will make it work?
- What four adjectives would you use to describe your fiancé?
- What is the dream or vision you have for your life together?
- What are at least six reasons why you want to marry your fiancé?
- What passage from the Word of God has meant the most to you during this courtship?
- Where did your first kiss occur?
- What did you think the first time you kissed?
- What were your feelings at the proposal?
- What do you want your fiancé to commit to in marriage?
- What do you want to commit to in marriage?
- What do you believe you will receive or experience out of marriage that you wouldn't experience if you remained single?
- What does the exchange of rings signify to you? List several ideas.
- If you have already purchased your rings, what did that experience mean to you?
- What would you like the minister to say about the rings?
- Is there anything you want to say when the ring is placed upon your finger?
After both of you have completed your questions, read each other's responses. Take time to discuss thoroughly the answers. Out of these questions and the examples provided in this book you will find different themes and words you would like expressed in your own wedding vows. Remember, these are to represent you and your relationship. They need to be personal.
Some couples include their parents in the vows: The parents express their role and commitment in the couple's life and/or the bride and groom make a commitment to their parents.
As you create your vows, remember to state what you are promising to God, to the marriage itself, and to your future spouse.
Be positive: Share what you are hoping for and what you will do. Instead of phrases like never be unfaithful" or "I'll never ignore you," say, "I will always be faithful" or "I will always give you my attention." Avoid using the phrase "I will try ... ." Too many couples end up saying, I tried, but it just didn't happen."
Do you want to share your vows in monologue form, spoken by only one person?Or do you want them shared in a dialogue where you each express your lines alternately to one another?
Vows for InspirationGroom:I take you, (name of bride), to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise before God and these witnesses and by the power of the Holy Spirit that I will rejoice and delight in you, becoming one with you as God bas ordained. I will cherish and protect you. I will endeavor to be a godly, self-controlled man acting with kindness, consideration, patience, and humility in the heading of our household. I will endeavor to bring up any children we may have with love, fairness, and discipline, always teaching them according to God's holy Word. I will endeavor to love you as Christ loved the church, giving up my lifedaily in order to see you grow in every way that is pleasing to God, for as long as we both shall live.
Bride: I, (name), take you, (name of groom), to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise before God and these witnesses and by the power of the Holy Spirit to love you always. I will leave my parents and become one with you. I will respect your headship even as Christ is head of the church. I will work with you as a united witness of the love of God. I will bring up any children we have with love, forgiveness, and discipline, always teaching them according to God's holy Word. I promise to love and cherish you and to prefer you above all others as long as we both shall live.
Exchanging your vows is serious. It's not a time to share cute or funny statements to get a reaction from your guests. You'll probably have a number of one-liners or jokes come to mind as you create your vows. Share these with one another, but don't include them in the service, because it lessens the importance of what is taking place. Remember to keep this personal and meaningful to you. This is what you are committing yourself to be and to do until death. For some, that could be for another fifty to seventy-five years!"
Promises to Make and KeepThe following are promises that have been included in wedding vows. Perhaps there are some here you would like to incorporate into your own.
I promise:
- to live with you and love you forever
- to love you with a Biblical pattern of love, Eros, Philo, and Agape
- to be a source of joy to your life
- to meet all of your needs: emotionally, spiritually, and physically
- to be there when you need me and to respond in a way that meets your needs
- to laugh with you but never at you
- to bring out the best in you and always be your cheerleader
- to share and delight in your joy and to share your struggles during the down times
- to hear your tears, never try to fix you, and to wipe your tears with my hands
- to love you when you have wrinkles rather than smooth skin
- to love you with my mind and keep my mind focused on you
- to care for you in sickness of all kinds and in health
- to care for you in the progress of your illness
- to listen when you are worried, angry, or sad to
- to adventure with you into the unknown
- to never take you for granted
- to love your face and body as it ages
- to be a person you can always depend on
- to challenge you to be all that God wants you to be
- to respect your wishes for your own children, your siblings, and your parents
- to follow you wherever your life's vocation takes you
- to pray for you and with you, and to initiate times of prayer
- to be your spiritual leader
- to forgive you quickly when I have been offended
- to thank you for who you are as well as what you do
- to love you, your father, and mother as well as any children God allows us to have through childbirth or adoption
- to adventure into your life, to see it through your eyes, to hear it through your ears, to touch it through your fingertips
- to fulfill my responsibilities as given in Ephesians 5
- to be faithful in seeking the Holy Spirit to direct my thoughts and words
- to use the following Scriptures to guide my interaction with you
Most couples find they need to write at least a few drafts of their vows before they are ready. After you have finished writing your vows, decide how you want to recite them during the ceremony. It's all right to have your pastor first say the vows phrase-by-phrase and you repeat them. It's also all right to read them aloud. You don't have to memorize your vows unless you want to, but even if you do, have them printed and available...just in case. There's a common malady that occurs at weddings called "brain blockage." It happens to the best of us.
Practice reciting your vows over and over. Share them in a loud, confident, and positive way. When you recite them at the wedding rehearsal, have someone stand at the back of the room or area to make sure you can be heard. Amplification equipment may be needed. Too many times guests leave a wedding without hearing what the bride and groom have said. Make yours a different experience. If you are going to have a wedding bulletin or program, consider printing your vows inside. Another option is to give a copy to guests as they leave.
To make your wedding commitment even more significant and meaningful, you could take these vows one step further by signing them during the ceremony. Have the vows printed in advance on a piece of parchment worthy of display (perhaps 11 x 14 inches). Then, for your wedding, have the paper placed nearby on a table or stand. After you recite the vows, the pastor can ask you to each step to sign and date the vows, We know that, for some reason, when people sign their name to a statement, agreement, or covenant, they seem to remember it better and follow through with their commitment.
Your vows could immediately be put in a glass frame and displayed at the reception for everyone to read. They could also be displayed in your home.",
If your family and guests are asked during the wedding to make a commitment to pray for you, to be available for counsel, etc., this commitment could be on a parchment as well. The participants could be encouraged to read their commitment to you, and if they desire, sign their names to indicate their willingness to support you.
Vows for Inspiration
Groom: (Name), I love you and I am thrilled to take you as my wife today. I am thankful that God designed you with me in mind, and that I will not be complete without you. As God designed marriage and gave husband and wife separate and complementary responsibilities, I promise to be the head of our household. I promise to be the leader that you need, keeping our household focused on Christ. Since love is in action, I promise to demonstrate my love to you in ways that you understand - showing you that I care. I promise to protect you, giving you a secure household in which you can share your innermost feelings. And I promise to listen and try to understand all of those feelings. Most of all, I desire to encourage you, helping you to become the woman that God wants you to be. I have seen your love for God and your desire to serve Him, and I am trulyblessed to have you love me as well. I am glad that you are my best friend, and I am honored to become your husband.
Bride: (Name), I love you so much, and I am so glad that God has brought us together. I thank Him for you every day.I promise to be respectful of your leadership as the head of our family. Because you are a man of God, I am confident that you will be a loving spiritual leader, and I promise to support you in all of your decisions. I will try to work toward a growing communication, keeping nothing from you. I will always listen to you, and when you confide in me, I promise to guardand keep what I hear. I love you, (name). You are my best friend and I am proud and happy to become your wife today.
From The Complete Book of Christian Wedding Vows, by H. Norman Wright.
Published by Bethany House.
